An email from a proud deadbeat dad

HAJ:

Sorry, I haven’t been keeping up with this blog. I have been reading around though. This man in-particular is a great read. The Matt Walsh Blog ” You claim you “like women” too much to “settle” for just one? That’s a lie. You don’t like women, nor do you desire women, nor are you attracted to women. You want an instrument; a mechanism for your pleasure and gratification. This is not the same thing as wanting a woman. A woman is a total being, and if you do not want the total being, then you do not want a woman. ” Here he responds to a letter he received from a man about liking woman so much they will not “tie him down….with children.”

Originally posted on The Matt Walsh Blog:

Absent-Fathers

“Matt, I like some of the things you’ve written but your constant woman worship is nauseating. Again I hear you talk about how men should “protect and serve” their wives. F*ck that. You are everything that’s wrong with men in this country. I’ve had two women try to trap me with a baby. I told them to get an abortion (I offered to PAY for it) and they didn’t. That’s their choice. Am I going to ruin my whole life by letting them hold be hostage and forcing me to “serve” them? F*ck that. Those kids aren’t my business. I’m contributing to society in other ways. Monogamy might work for you because you’re a whipped assh*le but it doesn’t work for those of us who are actually trying to be happy in life. I like women so why would I resign myself to just one? No I’m not kidding or…

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News.

I accepted a teaching position in Alaska. I can cross two things off of my list on August 11th, 2013.

Mr. Knightly and I are well…. back at the beginning of the novel. It felt more like Joey and Rachel’s big get together: Joey and Rachel First Date

I have MR. WENTWORTH on my mind anyway. All summer I have been spending time with FRANK CHURCHILL and have been mildly disappointed. He was what I wanted at the time, but now that Capt. WENTWORTH is back…I have other ideas to process.

Like why do I still love him? How?

 

 

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well well well….

……said the three holes in the ground.

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND,

I love seeing my family. My cousin just found out she is pregnant again. She doesn’t even want another kid. She doesn’t want it. Why doesn’t she? She has three beautiful girls. Why it is not fair. Where the hell are you?

My GPA told me not to get married that I have to “forget who I am.” My AUNT-M told me not to get married that “It reminded me of a Jail. That is why I joined a convent–I felt free-er that way.” My other Cousin is getting a divorce only after less than a year. My brother will be married in August. My mother tells me I should stay single to. However, everyone bothers me for children. Even people who I do not even know–holding their kids taunting me. Holding hands taunting me.

The thing is that’s why I didn’t get married in the first place. I knew it wasn’t right. BUT GOSH darn it I know you are out there and I know that you want to find me. DO you want to find me? It might help if you want any children.

yeah. so. get on it. dude.

Your future wife.

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Protected: Mr. Knightly’s give in….staying in the 1%

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Just Say No….

Last night I went to see a band play. I was rather annoyed because MR.KNIGHTLY left me hanging for about an hour for a ride. I ended up going without him though and arriving about an hour late. FRIEND-S was waiting inside but before I even got out of my car, before I even got my door open all the way, one foot out the door—on the ground.

DRUNK-LADY: Will you drive me somewhere?

ME: What? Hi…

DRUNK-LADY: please, will you drive me somewhere? I’ll have to walk!  *pouty face*

ME: uhh…no…

DRUNK-LADY: please please please will you drive me.

(at this point she is hanging on my door and stopping me from getting out. She is a smaller women and I can tell she is blitzed out of her mind. ARG. My mind thinks about her safety walking alone down the street. I think about her being cold and getting sick or hurt. AND then I think about doing the right thing…what is the right thing? I cannot say no….)

ME: Okay. Get in.

DRUNK-LADY: oh thank you thank you I love you…you are amazing!

ME: My name is _______ by the way….

DRUNK-LADY: I am so drunk.

ME: really…couldn’t tell.

DRUNK-LADY: Cindy—my name is Cindy.

ME: If I take you to this place will you have a ride home? Will you get there safe?

DRUNK-LADY: *starts to cry* My husband is an asshole.

ME: *nervous* uh… was he there? Why are you with him if he is an ass?

DRUNK-LADY: no he wasn’t there he through all my things outside because I wanted to drink tonight.

(Great I picked up an alcoholic—because I’ve worked with alcoholics and this is what they sound like.)

DRUNK-LADY: No…no…I’ll find a ride home. I will find SOMEONE to take me home.

(me thinking oh God…please let me be taking her somewhere away from her own car)

DRUNK-LADY: Do you have 2$ I could borrow.

ME: no.

(I have 20$ in my pocket—but it’s costing me 5$ to drive you across town…chica… AND thinking she’ll use it for more booze of COURSE I SAY NO!)

DRUNK-LADY: Really not even 2$?

ME: no… no cash.

DRUNK-LADY: He threw all my stuff outside because I wanted to drink tonight. Don’t marry a man like mine—he’s such an asshole.

ME: ah.

DRUNK-LADY: Thank you for driving me you are beautiful. I love you.

ME: You would say that I am driving you.

DRUNK-LADY: Do you know you are beautiful?

ME: thanks.

DRUNK-LADY: You got a dollar?

ME: No.

DRUNK-LADY: you don’t even got a dollar?

ME: No I don’t I have money for me to see the band that I wanted to go see—before you came to my car door.

DRUNK-LADY: oh…it’s like that.

*REALLY????*

ME: yes.

I went 30 minutes out of my way to drive her. When she got out I checked for my wallet and my phone—I also looked around for other things in my car that she could have taken. When I got back, the bouncer, my friend said, I kicked her out. HA. I wish I had made it inside. I think I could have said no to her. Maybe. Hey, I said no to the dollar right?

I complicate my life sometimes. It isn’t the first time I have offered a complete stranger a ride. However, usually I have a pretty strong intuition about people. She was just a sad drunk. Even so—what would Jesus do? Perhaps he wouldn’t be out late on a school night to see a band. BUT if he was would he forgo being on time to give a woman a ride across town even though he didn’t know her?  I wonder if he would have given her the money? I don’t think Jesus would be an enabler. However, is driving someone across town enabling? At what point are you doing too much for someone? At what point are you not doing enough? A question I struggle with almost daily.

The band started late anyway. Didn’t even start till 10 minutes after I got there.  Nothing lost–except maybe DRUNK-LADY’S self control.

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January thoughts…

January has brought me to the realization of a couple random things–and while my heart isn’t completely settled, I see again, if it was, I would probably be dead. I remember a while ago that used to be my motto “You shall be content when you die.” Perhaps because there is no other way to be after death.

Here however are just a couple of things that I have thought about and concluded after this first month of 2013:

1. Every winter my skin is so dry no matter how much baby oil, cotton oil, lotion, pure Vaseline or Vitamin E I rub on, it will soak in and be dry until I can go outside and soak the summer sun…and have virtually perfect skin….

Seriously, If I lived in a warm weather climate I am convinced I would have flawless skin. I currently worry if I am turning into a reptile.

2. I may be 29…single…and without even a cat…BUT I am not undesired.

And. That. Feels. Good.

About 2 years ago I joined an online dating site. I met only one person before I stopped using it–(rendering it useless in my search for an acceptable person to date.–because that one person I met was not whom he said he was) However, I have kept in contact with one I never met.–we’ll call him CHEESEHEAD. Had phone calls, keep his FB connected, text often, and even have used Face Time to talk. We had plans to meet in the beginning–but at the last-minute he canceled and we never did meet. Well, now we are planning to meet again. It has come to the point where if I do not meet him I am going to constantly wonder–What about that one guy…CHEESEHEAD? We are quite compatible as far as dislikes and likes….and beliefs. The important things. Plus…. I like him.

I am very very very very—did I say VERY…nervous about finally meeting him. I have been on “blind” dates, set-ups, and met one person from the same online site already. ALL past experiences were a dud. I think I might be devastated if he is not whom I think he is. I know I spoke with him via-face time–but somehow I KNOW the first person to person meeting is important.

What if CHEESEHEAD is a total creep? A weirdo? I know, with a name like CHEESEHEAD how could he be? *sigh*

I have only spoken to a select few friends about CHEESEHEAD. Those select few think it right that I do finally meet him face to face. So I guess the only thing to do–is stop chickening out and meet him for real.

3. I have to finish my book–at least the first section before I have grey hairs. OR…I’m going to cry.

I have worked on this Juvenile Fiction story for about 4 years now. I haven’t made it past the first couple chapters. I get stuck at the beginning. I have pretty much the entire book planned out EXCEPT the beginning. I think the trick is probably not starting at the beginning–but who knows. Certainly not me.

4. I would like to shove my fist in the face of the girls that are continually hurting some of my closest friends. Be HONEST. you are only hurting yourself in the end…

Okay listen, next girl who says “All the good guys are taken” or “All the hot guys are GAY” needs to be slapped. I may be single but I do not blame my misfortune on bad statistics. You are wrong. If you want to meet some good guys I got a freaking list–all makes and models. Please stop letting them date these girls that do not appreciate their affectionate hearts, their flower giving values, and their honest character.

ALSO–If you do happen to fall into one of these guys paths and they happen to ask you out on a date–or show you some kind of niceties. Remember, this is the kind of guy that if you are not interested they aren’t going to go all wierdo-creepy-stalker-boy on you. Please, I beg you be honest.

TRUTH: I know a guy that on every mothers day he makes sure he gets his mother flowers. I know a guy that dedicates most of his free time volunteering with kids. I know a guy that would give anything just to spoil you.I know a guy that could care less if you wear make-up, shave your legs, or comb your hair–he just wants you to have a brain… AND YEAH… they aren’t gay, they aren’t married, and they aren’t crazy weird. They are just normal everyday men that are trying not to get their heart trampled on. Yeah, men have hearts to.

YOU ASK: “well why aren’t you with them?” ….Listen…and listen close… Some of them I did date….  They are my friends. They keep me strong. They have proven to me that I don’t need to date jerks. We just aren’t compatible in other ways…the chemistry isn’t there…this doesn’t matter. When I do date a good guy I don’t just ditch him so the next girl has to pick up the pieces. I’m telling you girls now–if you keep this up there will be no more “good” guys.

5. If you ever reach complete contentment….you are probably dead.

 

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Follow the Blue Blazes

Took the first backpack trek of the 2013 year on a small section of the Buckeye Trail. My FRIEND-M2 (not to be confused with FRIEND-M) posted a random Facebook stat “Anyone up for a weekend backpack trip?” At first the thought of a winter excursion gave me cold shivers. Then I realized I needed to get out of the apartment. Doing random Yoga exercises as I watch SuperNanny isn’t going to cut it. So on Friday morning me and FRIEND-M drove to meet FRIEND-M2. (Yeah they got the same names so I couldn’t think of anything more creative…)

FRIEND-M: why are you putting on the GPS…I am not a mindless sheep.

ME: I thought I would help…?

10 minutes later

FRIEND-M: I thought you were going to turn on the GPS?

ME: ….

We met him at the trail-head of part of the Buckeye Trail. Then everything went perfect–it was like the weather loved us. Suddenly the snow started to melt, the rain stopped, the sun started warming our toes! That is right–when we left it was down-pour rain, snow was on the ground, and it was COLD. As soon as we got to the trail-head though all that ugly weather seemed to disappear.

2013-01-11 12.01.10

VIA text with friend M2:

FRIEND-M2: I hope you are ready to get wet this weekend….

ME: …uh… that’s what she said….

FRIEND-m2: ……

Sunshine is coming

Sunshine is coming

I am happy to have friends just as crazy as me ready to take a shortly planned trip. Of course the trail being the buckeye trail–who is really concerned? The biggest element of danger in Ohio is the weather at this time.  Yeah, we got snakes, coyotes, bobcats–but let’s face it they are few and far between. We need to be concerned about keeping our feet dry and packs waterproof.

The trail that we took was marked well and mostly rural. (almost half of the buckeye trail will take you through towns and on roads.)

m1 and M2 hiking on road section

m1 and M2 hiking on road section

I was very revived being on the trail again. I made a goal to take at least an out and back trip monthly this year. I think that it benefits more than my health physically but mentally.

farmland

farmland

M1 decides how to cross the stream

M1 decides how to cross the stream

So the funnest part about this trip and the hardest was our off-trail decision. We did not want to just go back the way that we came–but to circle around to the car. So we had to do a little bit of mapping, plowing through multi-flora-rose bushes, and generally crossing over every bog in the tri-county area.

one of our thorn-thru's

one of our thorn-thru’s (friend-m1)

thorn hitched a ride on my tarp.

thorn hitched a ride on my tarp. (as well as all over my uncovered skin)

 

Day 1 we had really wet shoes and socks after the hike so we dried them out and kept warm with beer and a fire. It was a pretty warm night for January and all three of us wondered how Ohio weather worked.

2013-01-11 21.13.15

M2 let me make him pose for this cool shot:

M2 tends fire.

M2 tends fire.

That night we heard coyotes running through some of the grasslands.

*howling/barking/general loudness*

M2: I think that was coyotes.

ME: *thoughtful* Couldn’t have been beagles?

M2: it’s a little to late or early for the hunters… def. coyotes.

*Howling/barking*

ME: How BIG are coyotes

M2: well… we might find out how big in a minute….

*silence*

In case you are wondering we never found out how big the coyotes were–but we did see some prints of some animals. I think still that some hunters were out when they were not suppose to be. Later we found a deer carcass, lots of paw prints of small dogs, and some raccoons prints.

2013-01-12 14.34.52

Currently it is rabbit and squirrel season–and we saw enough rabbits that it would have been safe to say that’s why we also saw and heard multiple hunters in the woods. Because of this we put the yellow flag up to show hunters we were in fact not bunnies–just a buncha granola hippies.

2013-01-12 15.02.25

Hey Over here…

We managed to make one hunter less than pleased with us. However, me and M2 think that if you are going to hunt on recreation land and off the site of a major trail you should expect someone other than your beagles to scare the rabbits. We aren’t saying that we did it on purpose–we tried to hike around the hunters a couple of times. Nothing is scarier than knowing that over the hill is a bunch of rednecks shooting at the ground blindly. (Now that is assuming that they are the not so brilliant hunter that we are stereotyping them out to be.) My father hunts, my mother, even my little brother. However… we do it where we know we aren’t going to run into a group of people. There were so many other people out there hunting and hiking–in JANUARY!!

in the grass...

in the grass…rabbits point of view.

2013-01-13 10.28.47

Blue blazes...

Blue blazes…

 

What really got me excited and loving this hike is AMAZON and I are planning a benefit hike for the camp we work at. We want to go around the Buckeye trail promoting camp, raising money, and generally being bad-ass chicks. Tentatively the hike will happen next year some time. I’d been having a hard time rationalizing planning and preparing for something so big–and I am still  a little unsettled about it in my heart. However, after I got home and I Skype AMAZON–who is currently working abroad in Scotland, my heart is a little bit at ease. You see if I don’t continue to plan, to jump into things, to take impromptu hikes on the weekends I know in 5 years I am going to wish I had. I already wish I would have planned these other trips sooner–gotten into shape more to climb etc.

Someone once told me: “You can wish in one hand and shit in the other–see which one piles up faster.”

So, in a year–whether I have met the love of my life, gotten the job of my dreams, or some other equally wonderful thing I am going on this trip. I am going to raise some money for camp, complete a goal of a long-term backpack trip, and do many more things I will never regret, all while following the blue blazes.

the trio...

the trio…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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