January thoughts…

January has brought me to the realization of a couple random things–and while my heart isn’t completely settled, I see again, if it was, I would probably be dead. I remember a while ago that used to be my motto “You shall be content when you die.” Perhaps because there is no other way to be after death.

Here however are just a couple of things that I have thought about and concluded after this first month of 2013:

1. Every winter my skin is so dry no matter how much baby oil, cotton oil, lotion, pure Vaseline or Vitamin E I rub on, it will soak in and be dry until I can go outside and soak the summer sun…and have virtually perfect skin….

Seriously, If I lived in a warm weather climate I am convinced I would have flawless skin. I currently worry if I am turning into a reptile.

2. I may be 29…single…and without even a cat…BUT I am not undesired.

And. That. Feels. Good.

About 2 years ago I joined an online dating site. I met only one person before I stopped using it–(rendering it useless in my search for an acceptable person to date.–because that one person I met was not whom he said he was) However, I have kept in contact with one I never met.–we’ll call him CHEESEHEAD. Had phone calls, keep his FB connected, text often, and even have used Face Time to talk. We had plans to meet in the beginning–but at the last-minute he canceled and we never did meet. Well, now we are planning to meet again. It has come to the point where if I do not meet him I am going to constantly wonder–What about that one guy…CHEESEHEAD? We are quite compatible as far as dislikes and likes….and beliefs. The important things. Plus…. I like him.

I am very very very very—did I say VERY…nervous about finally meeting him. I have been on “blind” dates, set-ups, and met one person from the same online site already. ALL past experiences were a dud. I think I might be devastated if he is not whom I think he is. I know I spoke with him via-face time–but somehow I KNOW the first person to person meeting is important.

What if CHEESEHEAD is a total creep? A weirdo? I know, with a name like CHEESEHEAD how could he be? *sigh*

I have only spoken to a select few friends about CHEESEHEAD. Those select few think it right that I do finally meet him face to face. So I guess the only thing to do–is stop chickening out and meet him for real.

3. I have to finish my book–at least the first section before I have grey hairs. OR…I’m going to cry.

I have worked on this Juvenile Fiction story for about 4 years now. I haven’t made it past the first couple chapters. I get stuck at the beginning. I have pretty much the entire book planned out EXCEPT the beginning. I think the trick is probably not starting at the beginning–but who knows. Certainly not me.

4. I would like to shove my fist in the face of the girls that are continually hurting some of my closest friends. Be HONEST. you are only hurting yourself in the end…

Okay listen, next girl who says “All the good guys are taken” or “All the hot guys are GAY” needs to be slapped. I may be single but I do not blame my misfortune on bad statistics. You are wrong. If you want to meet some good guys I got a freaking list–all makes and models. Please stop letting them date these girls that do not appreciate their affectionate hearts, their flower giving values, and their honest character.

ALSO–If you do happen to fall into one of these guys paths and they happen to ask you out on a date–or show you some kind of niceties. Remember, this is the kind of guy that if you are not interested they aren’t going to go all wierdo-creepy-stalker-boy on you. Please, I beg you be honest.

TRUTH: I know a guy that on every mothers day he makes sure he gets his mother flowers. I know a guy that dedicates most of his free time volunteering with kids. I know a guy that would give anything just to spoil you.I know a guy that could care less if you wear make-up, shave your legs, or comb your hair–he just wants you to have a brain… AND YEAH… they aren’t gay, they aren’t married, and they aren’t crazy weird. They are just normal everyday men that are trying not to get their heart trampled on. Yeah, men have hearts to.

YOU ASK: “well why aren’t you with them?” ….Listen…and listen close… Some of them I did date….  They are my friends. They keep me strong. They have proven to me that I don’t need to date jerks. We just aren’t compatible in other ways…the chemistry isn’t there…this doesn’t matter. When I do date a good guy I don’t just ditch him so the next girl has to pick up the pieces. I’m telling you girls now–if you keep this up there will be no more “good” guys.

5. If you ever reach complete contentment….you are probably dead.



About HAJ

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